South Park Town Theatre Presents
by Suki-Itami
Summary: In an attempt to generate tourism, PC Principal has come up with a plan to turn the entire town into a somewhat PC stage production of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Although townspeople are becoming invested in the idea, what will really be remembered from this seemingly odd idea is the drama happening off stage.


When PC Principal had become the Superintendent of Schools, everyone in South Park had been excited about the changes he promised to bring the school system. Well, the adults and those who considered themselves to be "progressives" were anyway. For four boys just going to high school at the time, it seemed like they were going to be subjected to a hellish last four years.

They weren't wrong.

As they grew older and came to know themselves and those around them a bit better, the more PC Principal tried making it seem like they were just going to be trouble makers. Especially Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski, who managed to put themselves back on his radar their sophomore year when they agreed that a woman playing coy was actually a fun aspect of a relationship.

They were nearly suspended when someone reported them for the comment-they never found out who did it.

Ever since then, they never escaped his ever keen eyes and ears. PC Principal always seemed to be waiting for them to make an "un-PC" comment of some kind. And in their senior year, while the citizens of South Park were busy trying to find a way to generate more tourism and still seem like a progressive town, they thought they were finally free of the person they secretly called "big brother".

But then they were called to the office of the Superintendent.

Thinking they were in trouble again, they went to the office devising a speech to tell PC Principal when they were accused of yet another inoffensive comment they had made.

When they arrived, however, they were surprised to hear what PC Principal had to tell them.

Stan blinked a few times and just stared at PC Principal, honestly confused at the what he had just heard. He looked to his best friend for help understanding what was going through the man's head but saw that the redhead was just as confused. Finally, he looked back to PC Principal and said, "You want us to help you set up a theatre production?"

PC Principal nodded. "That's right."

Stan looked straight at PC Principal; the man was still in his seemingly trademarked blue t-shirt, khaki pants, and dark sunglasses, so it was hard to tell if he was truly being 100% genuine. He wanted to ask another question, but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't come out as the same thing he just asked, so he threw his hands up in sheer confusion and looked to Kyle for help.

Kyle, however, didn't understand what was going on either. "Why us? We don't know anything about stage productions. You should talk to Butters or Red; they're in charge of the theatre department at school."

"I assure you that they are fully involved in this as well, but I need you boys specifically," he responded.

"Why?"

PC Principal pointed to Kyle. "You're heavily involved with the IT club at the high school, right?"

"Well, yeah...?"

He then pointed to Stan. "And you, your girlfriend said that you're pretty good at singing."

Stan's eyes widened. Wendy had promised not to tell anybody about how he had serenaded her with that tacky love song! He turned red and covered his eyes thinking about how she must have told PC Principal about it. "I'm not good, I just sing to Wendy sometimes because she likes it when I do."

The edges of PC Principal's lips twitched as if he were trying to smile. He knew denial when he saw it, and he was convinced then that Wendy Testaburger wasn't just making things up. "Well boys, I would like to ask you to take on some roles for the upcoming production we've got planned."

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "I'm IT-tech support. Why do you need me for a little community stage production?"

"Perhaps I should have explained earlier." He stood from his desk and stepped to the window overlooking South Park. He smiled a bit thinking of what was to come. "This is not going to be just a stage production. The entire town of South Park is going to become Paris for a production of The Hunchback of Notre Dame."

Stan and Kyle's mouths dropped and they looked at each other. The _entire town_ was going to be a play?

"Why the _entire_ town?" Stan asked, unable to muster anything but shock.

PC Principal turned to them. "It isn't enough to have our humble town gain a theatre district. No. We'll _become_ a theatre district, and we'll show that we're willing to accept anybody for any role." He pointed to Stan. "You are going to play Phoebus! Wendy Testaburger is going to be Esmeralda!" He pointed to Kyle. "You will do well behind the scenes making sure that everything goes according to the script and the plan. I'll make sure that you'll have plenty of help to make everything happen, don't worry."

"Hold on," Kyle said suddenly. "You want this to be a 'progressive' retelling?'

"That's right. We're going to show the world that South Park theatre is the most PC."

"Then why cast a straight couple as two of the main characters?"

"Well Broflovski, we have to start small, yet big so that people won't be too worried that the original play isn't lost amidst all the changes that we are making. As of right now, we have cast most of our girls as guards and soldiers, but Bebe Stevens is going to be playing a crucial role never taken on by an actress before."

"Bebe?"

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Who's she going to be?"

"Judge Claude Frollo; who is now going to be referred to as Claudette Frollo."

The two teenage boys looked to each other in surprise but didn't say anything. Although they knew what would happen if no one approved of even this casting change, saying anything against PC Principal would be essentially committing suicide. He would rather watch his own production go up in smoke before his very eyes than to hear that he was maybe making a mistake.

"So boys," he continued as if he didn't just drop a bombshell, "I want you to spread the word to your friends and classmates. The South Park Town Theatre will be putting on its first play and it needs roles to be filled."

Still unable to believe what he was hearing was real, Kyle just nodded slowly. "Yeah, sure." He and Stan left the office when PC Principal dismissed them.

Outside, the two seventeen-year-old boys looked at each other and then back at the office they had just exited. They nearly asked each other if that had just happened, but then they the jingling of bells and saw Kenny walk up to them with a smile on his face. He was wearing a yellow and purple jester outfit; a purple mask that would cover his cheekbones was in his hand.

" _Kenny_?" Kyle's mouth dropped once again.

Kenny gave his friend a toothy smile. "I'm gonna be playing Clopin! Who're you guys?"

"...IT..."

Stan nodded slowly and said, "Phoebus..."

Kenny laughed. "Is Wendy Esmeralda?" He laughed again when Stan slowly nodded, seemingly surprised at all of this being real. When asked why he wasn't in shock, he said, "I'm just gonna go with it. i find that it's easier that way. Besides," he placed the mask on his face and gave a smirk, "it should be fun." He practically danced off with the bells of his costume jingling the entire way.

Stan and Kyle looked back to each other, silently trying to process what they had been told and what they had just seen.

After a long minute, Kyle finally said, "Go get your armour."


End file.
